I have always lived in fear.
Occasionally a mania will swoop in and elevate my confidence and mood to the moon and fear takes a back seat and audacity and humor bubble into my brain and take over steering and it as if the panic that saturated me for days, weeks, months, years — was but a dream, a figment of my imagination and unlikely to occur again.
But panic and fear always returns.
I can articulate it now and identify it and intellectual know it will pass — but god it is awful when I am in it.
