Last night

Last night was the first night in weeks that I didn’t feel the need for oblivion.

I still snapped a pill and had a few puffs — but this was in mellow enjoyment with a smile upon my face, a feeling of content in my toes, a little pressure of hope in my solar plexus.

The air is cool and clean. The temperature drop invigorating me. I worked and typed and pondered the lessons of history both personal and micro, global and macro.

My brain at work, a healthy sense of fuck it humor tickling my angst.

I made it through the summer alone, employed, with my pantry stocked, some cash on hand, escape routes and exit strategies well planned.

I go further north in a few weeks time to the far away, where cars do not drone, teslas rarely seen, salt is strong in the air and no one knows me, and I know no one.

7 days in search of a place to call mine.

A place where maybe in the future I can sit in a simple patch of sun, fall asleep in front of a small wood stove, soak in a large old bathtub.

Walk in the daylight without meeting eyes that know of my massive failures.